On the long list of things I don’t understand, which includes taxes and how to properly put on eyeliner, is the appeal of summer. I know that to most, admitting to hating summer is practically sacrilegious, but I don’t care. I can’t stand being hot. I can’t stand sweating through my shirt as I blow-dry post-shower, and then I can’t stand how my hair frizzes the second it’s dry. I can’t stand everyone being out of town, but all at different times so I never know where anyone is. I can’t stand trying to find the balance between giving my children down-time and getting them out of the house, and above all, can’t stand the pressure of feeling like I should be giving them Magical Summer Memories when all I want to do is drape myself over an air conditioner and pray for the sweet release of Labor Day.
Ah, Labor Day. My personal New Year’s Eve. The official kickoff to the very most wonderful time of the year: kids back in school, a return to routine, Halloween candy, gravy and peppermint bark on the not-too-distant horizon. Shorter days! Colder days! Wool socks and sweaters and boots, oh my!
Goodbye, damp pool towels! So long, daily sunblock battles! You can go straight to hell, mosquito bites!
Oh, sweet September. Thank you for decreasing the pressure to Get Outside and Do Something, but making me actually want to Get Outside and Do Something. Thank you for eliminating the phrase “beach body” from the popular lexicon. Thank you for allowing families to get in their cars without fear of children being instantly incinerated. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for bringing television season premieres into my home.
So as others mourn the passing of summer, I say good riddance. Come to me, early fall! I welcome you with open, soon-to-be-sleeved arms. Let’s run away together, right after drop-off, in a child-free car not covered in pollen or filled with road-trip debris. Let’s snuggle under a blanket of fresh school supplies, fleece vests and cans of Libby’s pure pumpkin.
September, I love you and will forever be faithful…
…at least until October.
Alice Leiter is a recovering health care regulatory attorney living in Washington, D.C. Her hobbies include making fun of her family on Instagram, watching Bravo, and worrying that people are mad at her. She hates when grown women call her "Mama."